Modern Soapbox

After I woke up on Tuesday, I showered and dressed to go to the nearby campus to withdraw.

I really wanted to fight, but I didn’t want to stress myself to the point that I’d feel destroyed if I ended up losing the fight. I blame myself for everything, and that’s okay. I don’t feel so bad. I actually feel really good. I know I put a bunch of effort into it, but I also know I didn’t put enough.

I’m worried knowing that my parents’ hearts are going to be broken, but I think I know my parents well-enough that they will eventually understand.

I don’t think being a nurse for the rest of my life was going to make me completely happy. Sure, it’s a profession that has a big purpose in life and really helps the community. Sure, it’s an extremely stable career that also pays well. My beef with it is that it doesn’t leave much room to be creative. The tasks are tiring. The nature of the job has plenty of room for liability. I see being a nurse as being a janitor of the miserable. What you witness on a day-to-day basis will wear you down. I don’t want to end up a pissed off old man.

I’m sure everyone saw it coming, and that’s fine with me. You can call me a quitter, say that I gave up, I don’t really care. I just know that if you gave me one of those profiles that said what I’d be best at in life, it wouldn’t say a nurse. I’ve always been creative in nature all of my life, and that’s what I truly want to do.

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